I just completed my student teaching.  It was incredible.  I basically did all the work of a teacher, but without the pay.  I planned, taught, planned, studied, graded, planned, created, graded, planned, etc.  Lots of planning, grading, and teaching.

Towards the beginning my student teaching I almost walked out of the school never to return.  I was not sure what I was doing; I was prepared for the day, but I kept asking myself, “Is this really what I want to do with my life?”  I came to the realization that it is what I want to do, so I walked into the classroom and began first period.  Yes, the day had not even begun and I was ready to call it quits.  I found out that this is somewhat normal; the quitting part I mean.

This is a daily dilemma for some teachers.  Nasty parents that call and come into the classroom to yell at and threaten the teacher in front of students, profane emails, and the awesome waiting in the parking lot to “discuss” an issue are all parts of the job.  I saw a side of school that I had yet to see…it was hell.  I came to realize why teachers have the summer “off”…if they did not have a big break like that, they would all literally become insane.

I had my good days and my bad days.  I had great days and horrible days.  I had days when the students learned immensely and days when I wasted the students’ time.  Ups and downs are part of the job.

I learned something about myself through the whole process—–I was made to be a teacher.  I do not think that another job will suffice.  I became comfortable in my skin and came alive while a taught.  I wanted to be a musician for a while, and that is still true – I love music, but teaching allows me to be fully alive at all moments – good and bad.

I should stop already, while I am ahead, but I cannot ignore the fact that I get really irritated by talk radio.

I enjoying listening to the news on the radio when I am on my way to school in the morning and again on my way home from school in the afternoon or evening.  For whatever reason, I decided to listen to talk radio.

They were talking about the upcoming election in November and how all of the liberals should be grateful if they do not incur some sort of life-ending tragedy.  After this was said, the caller responded to the host by saying “amen, God would have it no other way.”  I am not a biblical scholar by any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe that God has other things to think about and do rather than have someone killed because of their political beliefs.  This is why I hate talk radio…there is only one microphone on and only one voice that is being heard; if someone calls in with an opposing view, they are cut off and hung up on.

I have some liberal friends that enjoy bashing conservatives; get over it.  They disagree with you and you disagree with them.

I cannot help but laugh when I hear about the eight years of suffering under George W. Bush, but life instantly changes when Obama gets elected.  The same thing happens with conservatives.  Life was fantastic under Bush, but Obama gets elected and the world ends.  I have been caught up in all the hype myself…I am guilty as well.

It is all done out of fear.  What is done is done and what is going to happen will happen…

I really enjoy writing.  I do not think that I am good at it, but I really enjoy it.  I enjoy being able to put my thoughts down and then have the opportunity to come back to it later and see my thought process.  I started a short story last semester; it was for a writing assignment that I had to do for my Reading and Writing class.  The story was mostly non-fiction…the names were the only fictional part.  My teacher really liked it, but I did not think that it was good.

I have decided to start a new story.  I have not decided anything else about this story, but I know that I want to write one.  It does not matter to me if it ever gets published or if anyone else reads it, but I want to write a story to say that I have written a story.  There is so much freedom in writing, especially in writing a story.  I can do whatever I want with the characters: I can throw them off a cliff and bring then back to life, I can have them fly in space without a spacesuit, I can have them be regular, everyday, average human beings…it is my choice and no one can say that it is not right or impossible…it is a story.

to anyone that reads my blog –> you can hold me accountable to this…you can leave me comments or if you know me in real life, you can ask me about it….thanks.

p.s.

If I was really cool, I would have made the comment that each one of us writes our own story each day.  Our lives are our stories.  There is beauty in that…the best part is finding other people to help you write your story.

p.s.s.

I guess that I am really cool.

Change looks different for everyone, including my friends and I.  Maybe the change is new scenery, new/other friends, new house, new outlook on life, etc.  For me, the change is a combination of things: scenery and outlook.

SCENERY:

I need to go places and do things.  I have been in this town for at least ten years, which, by most standards, is not a long time.  I agree, it has not been a long time and I have incredible memories here…life-changing memories here.  I have become comfortable in my surroundings…

OUTLOOK:

My life view has changed.  I have, as has been mentioned in a previous post, become a husband.  I can no longer look at life as mine, it has become ours…ours is a beautiful mixture of hers and mine…it is very beautiful.  We have not made any actual decisions on our future, but we have made the decision to be open to anything that may come our way.  We know that we want to be used of God in some way…we do not really care in what way, just as long as we are used.

The point of all this is that life is changing for me and for my wife.  We have been so blessed by our families and our friends; we do not have the words to even thank them enough for all of the wonderful and great times that we have had with them.  The cool thing is that some of our closest friends have these feelings as well; life is changing, comfort is no longer an option.

In an “un-related” note…

I started to read some of Thoreau’s work and was pleasantly awed by his writing on friendship.  That happened Thursday and Friday.  On Saturday I was able to spend time with my wife and some really good friends.  On Sunday, at church, the message was about true friendship; a friend that sticks closer than a brother…I have those.  Thanks.

I am happy to say that I have had the privilege of getting married (Jan. 2nd) and am loving it.  It is so nice to go to sleep and to wake up next to my best friend and to share life together.  It has been a complete blast.

I am happy to say that I have done some recording for Old Alchemy…especially pleased with the bass lines in Hills.  That should be available this weekend at our House Show in Columbus…if not, it will be available on March 5th at the Park Place Show.

I have also started a new semester of school.  It has been difficult and stressful, but it has been good so far.  I student teach in the fall and graduate in the fall as well.

In other events, I am constantly being showed grace, mercy, and love by God in the form of friends and family.  It has been really cool to have two legit families…both have helped out my wife and I in more ways than can be expressed in this format.  I am so very thankful for their love and support.  Our friends have been so cool through the time leading up to the wedding and the time after…they showed us what it means to really love each other in helping us through the hectic and tiresome and stressful time of wedding preparation and, even, stayed to help clean it all up afterwards.  They are such a blessing.

Many people told me that life would end when I got married, I have found it to be quite the opposite.  I have found life to be much more exciting, which is very different from life ending.

[to be continued at a later date...maybe.]

(Back Story)

I have quite a few things going on right now…life, school, marriage, 180 Youth Ministry, family situations and some other things, but that list will do.  In the midst of all of those things I lost joy.  I mean, I am incredibly excited about each and every one of those things…I chose to do those things…so it is not as though I do not want to do any of them, but it was just so much…

I lost joy.  I was attempting to keep my head just above the water…that is a lie.  I had one nostril above the water and was attempting to just breathe without taking in too much water.  My fiance has been quite the support.  She has not asked a ton of me even though we are getting married January 2nd, 2010.  My time with her has been much-needed and been very therapeutic because I know that I can say or ask anything and she will not judge me, but rather seek to help me move through whatever is going on.  So, there was some joy, just not much.

(Columbus)

I drove down to Columbus to play a show with some really good friends of mine.  I play bass in the band Old Alchemy.  We had a house show in the basement of our lead guitar player/singer’s house at OSU.  Another band played as well, they go by the name of Come Wind.  The guys in that band are very good friends of mine as well.  Come Wind played first.  They were so good.  Just amazing music from amazing guys.  We played right after them.  Our set was the best set we have ever played…at least I think so.  The basement was packed full of college kids just getting into what was going on that night, good music and good community. 

Some of us stayed the night in Columbus that night.  That was probably the most refreshing part, the show was very refreshing, but just getting to hang out and talk with some of my closest friends was just a blast.  We were up until about 3:30 or 4.  Conversation ranged from homeless life in Alaska to compassion and Jesus to addictions.  You may say that it does not sound refreshing at all, but I disagree.  It was refreshing because I was given a better perspective on life, love, and God.  I was no longer just a college student, but a someone in society desiring to be productive and help others.  I got my joy back…

Come Wind

Old Alchemy

Some die looking for a hand to hold…

This is taken from the song “At the Bottom” by a band with the name BrandNew.  This portion of the song really struck me because it is really a terrible thing that there are 6.6 BILLION people in the world and there are people who are alone.  I cannot understand why this is a reality and why it does not change.  I suppose that it comes down to selfishness; I am selfish.  I think that we all have this thing called a lifeboat…some have a bigger lifeboat than others.

I should explain what I mean by lifeboat…lifeboat:  it is the way in which we measure our worth or value and other people’s value.  Some people tend to surround themselves with people that they view as “below” them; this allows them to feel superior to the other people in the lifeboat.  Some people tend to have a lifeboat that has a revolving population; these people have only people in their lifeboat that benefit them and as soon as they stop benefitting them, they are thrown overboard.  Some people have multitudes of people in their lifeboat; these people would probably tend to recognize everyone in the lifeboat as human, as having value.  Just because someone in the lifeboat may not benefit them, these people hold the view that everyone is valuable to someone and that everyone has a purpose.

I am in the second category…my lifeboat is revolving.  I wish that I could say that it was the third, but it is not and I am not willing to lie about it.  There are times in which I can say that my lifeboat is in the third category, but those times are few and far between.  I am seeking to live life in this third category…no one should come to the end of their life and be alone…no one should be looking for a hand to hold.  This has to change…I have to change.

i am not my own…

This is what 180 has been working on. 

Individual Worship.

The most convicting thing that I have come across so far has been “dating” God.  A date is nothing more than setting a time and a place to meet with someone.  With that said, we have all dated our own family’s at some point in time…think dinner.  I have tried to make sure that I spent some time with God each day of my week, but I have not always spent time with God daily.  I find myself praying constantly during the day, but I do not find myself taking a specific time each day to meet with God and give him the time that he deserves. 

How would you determine how much time the God of the universe deserves?  

Seriously?

Work, fiancee, family, friends, school, hobbies, food, relaxation, sports…I have to have a life, right?  I mean, I have a blog to update too.

David somehow constantly praised God, morning to evening.  Day and night.  He meditated on God’s word. 

I decided that I would get up at 5:30 a.m. so that I could give God my “first fruits” and so that my mind would have something good to think about all day.  I must say that while I have not kept the 5:30 start time everyday, my days have been progressively better when I allow God the begining of my day.  I usually start with a Proverb of the day, then move on to a reading of my choice (Ezekiel for now), and then after work and sometime before bed I do my iWorship study. 

Ezekiel 36:26    A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

Last week I did a different form of camping…Youth Camp.  Over 250 students and leaders went to a camp in Michigan.  We had cabins that had air conditioning, we had showers, we had a lake, we had a buffet style meal three times a day…quite unlike the camping that I experienced the week or two prior…riding down the river on a tree.

Both experiences changed me.

Camping with those guys allowed me to get to know two of the five better than I had previously known them.  Both guys are extremely nice and very friendly.  I gained better relationships with both of them.  It was as though by getting to know them, that something inside me changed.  I do not know what it was that changed, but something changed. 

At camp, I know what changed.

At camp I become a follower of Christ.  Well, at least I am becoming a follower of Christ.  I accepted Christ when I was younger and did what I was supposed to do.  If you read this blog, you will notice that I have been questioning things that I have learned over those years and am re-evaluating my faith and how it works.  Last week I came face to face with what I was looking for.  I was looking for a life in which I lived totally devoted to my faith in Christ.  I was looking for something bigger than me.  I was looking for a way to live for Christ daily.  I was looking for a way to leave self behind and take up my cross. 

I found it.

“It” is called Worship.

“It” allows me to enter into God’s court, “it” allows me come face to face with my God, “it” allows me to break free from what binds me.

Worship is nothing new to me, well it was nothing new to me until last week.  For a number of years I have been involved in different worship teams at my local church.  First in the youth group I attended, then in the “singles” ministry, and currently in the “big church” worship ministry and on the youth group team as leader.  I must confess that while being on these teams I have had times when I feel as though I was right there with God and times when I felt as though God were millions and millions of miles away.  I have been to the extreme of not caring what people think of me and to the extreme were I care way too much about what people think of me.  Guess when I felt close to God… 

The speaker spoke about a “Matrix Christianity” in which we accept things the way they are without seeking to further follow Christ because “this is how it is supposed to be…” and so on.  This is where my journey took me; to a camp in which I found myself in awe of what was being taught.  It was as though he was saying what I was thinking.  It was as though God decided to say to me that I was on the right path.  The path came to a divide.  Keep going through the motions, or wake up everyday and live a deeper, more authentic life in Christ.  Tough choice.  Really.

I could continue on the easy path or take the hard path.

Hard path it was/is.

Here we go…

(to be continued, my cold is back…darn you)

I have decided to accept an offer that was placed in front of me; to become the “leader” of 180 Noise…the senior high’s worship band.  My fiancee and I are assuming the role after camp this coming week. 

I am very excited because I love music.

I am very nervous because I am going to be the “leader” of a group of students and will have to make some tough decisions from time to time…I am also nervous because I have never done anything like this before…

I am very anxious because I really want to start right now, but I cannot…

With all the excitement surrounding this decision and the re-thinking of the decision after I gave the go-ahead on it, I must admit that I am sad to be leaving Xtreme (middle school ministry).  I really enjoy hanging out with those students and goofing off with them…

In other news:

One of my best friends is to be wed on saturday…the church is small, but that makes it all the better.  I could not be more excited for them…plus I am in it and I get to keep the clothes that we are wearing and we got TOMS…so cool.

God is good…God is love.